letting go of shame


Letting go of shame

I remember so vividly the first time I realized what a huge part of my life had been burdened by shame. It was such a massive shock. It’s not something we are taught in school.  Most of us are not even able to recognize it within ourselves.

As someone who experienced sexual abuse as a child, shame was a constant partner in my life.

Over the past many years I’ve realized how much shame has been used to control us in this world.  Hiding in the darkness;  keeping secrets;  wearing masks rather than allowing our authentic nature to shine through.

Shame Machine

In Cathy O’Neils book The Shame Machine, she goes into deep detail about the various ways shame is being used in our society to build up businesses.  She shares the many ways we are shamed.  Even the whole idea of “free” choice.  So many of us really don’t have it in the way that it is sold to us.  In addition, she addresses fat shaming, addiction shaming, and poverty shaming.  If you want to understand this subject more, this is a fabulous book to get started.

Where does shame come from?

I remember talking to a friend once and seeing the shame come through his body. I can’t remember exactly what we were talking about, but I remember the way he tucked in and down – as if he wanted to hide his body.

The cancel culture that we are currently in only helps to increase our shame.  We have all viewed embarrassing moments caught on video for the world to see, and it could happen to us too.

A shameful moment

Writing that reminds me of a rather shameful moment in my past.  I was young (maybe 6 or 7) and my parents were getting ready to go to the cottage.  I was playing with my sisters on the metal frame of a soccer goal.  We were climbing and monkeying around.   I got stuck on one of the hooks used to secure the net to the frame.  There I was hanging by the hook.  I remember how mortifying this moment was for me.

If that had occurred during a time of cell phones and someone had recorded it, I can imagine my entire life would have shifted dramatically.

The depth of the shame might have changed the way I viewed myself in the world. The reality is that this was just a small mistake that kids make.  A miscalculation about what my physical capabilities were as well as my understanding (or lack of understanding) around the hooks for the net.

As it was, I know that moment certainly made me gun shy to try other physical things that I might not be good at.  Prior to that event I loved climbing on the monkey bars at school recess.  After that I stopped believing in my strength.

This is what happens to us when our traumas get stuck in our body.  We form thoughts and opinions about ourselves that might not be the truth.  Until we take time to notice and heal those parts, they run the show.  


Healing the shame

Many years have gone by since then and although I have cleared out much baggage, I have never worked on this specifically.  I can feel that this memory is stored within me, and I will be doing some tapping around it to heal it.

Many moments have come up over these last few years as I continue to support and love myself on a deep level.  Through tapping I get to create space to integrate those parts rather than exile them off into the land of shame.

What might that shift for you?  If you were able to view the moments of shame with compassion?  Can you imagine how that might feel?  If you were able to remember shameful events and create integration and healing rather than trying to push them down or away?



What happens in business

When we struggle to let go of shame and we step into the world of being an entrepreneur, we wind up hiding much of ourselves.  Which means we are much harder to connect to.  Others can feel our lack of authenticity.  It keeps us in judgment rather than compassion for both ourselves and with others.


How do we embrace letting go of shame?

By taking the time to consciously claim our personal power.  Allowing integration of the parts of ourselves that have been exiled and that we are uncomfortable with.  We can then begin to step into our powerful selves.

As we become more and more aware of shame and the way it is being used to control us in society, we have the opportunity to change the program.  When we can look at others and see more of ourselves, that’s where things will really start to shift.  We are all human BEINGS dong the best we can in any given moment.

The shift must start internally.  Although there are some schools that will tell you this train of thought is selfish.  I am here to tell you that this exact path of putting yourself first is how you can heal.  It is the path to a new world.   A more compassionate place where shame is not being used to power over us.

This is the work I support my clients in doing – letting go of the shame that we have been given through generational traumas as well as those experienced in this lifetime.


Wondering if working together might be a good fit?

Let’s hop on a call and see if we are a good energetic match.  I’d love to hear where you are on your journey and what your specific needs are at this time.  Book in a for a virtual cuppa and let’s get to know each other.  

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